It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
