I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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