We're facebook friends in real life
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
