is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
