Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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