Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
drinking out of a sandbucket again
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
