he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
