Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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