how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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