I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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