i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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