and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
