There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
