Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Alive.
So much puke
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
