Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
