5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
