Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
