Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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