quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
