Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
