my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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