chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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