Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
