i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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