Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
