the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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