the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
