I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
