We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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