Porn is love you can see.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
