I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
