I'm so fucking centered right now
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
