She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I love you. Go after that dick
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
