I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
