Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
