love makes seman taste better
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
