So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
