I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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