i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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