Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
