White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
