i would punch a child for taco bell
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
