My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
