If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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