So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
