I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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