It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
