The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
