You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
