I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
