I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
